On sex parties (no keys required)

Fun fact for old people!
Most people don't even know who
Chachi is anymore or why Joanie
loves him.

Did you know Optimus Prime died 24 years ago? It's true! The Transformers animated movie came out in 1986 and featured Optimus Prime's death. You know what else happened in 1986? I was born. What's the connection? Absolutely nothing, but I like reminding some of my older readers that they're old.

So old in fact that I've noticed a strange thing happening with my friends. A few of them have started getting married or having children or buying a house or participating in other activities I normally associate with actual adults.

This concerned me quite a bit today when I realized that these activities could lead to me being invited to my very first sex party.

On cops and robbers

After decades of searching the police finally found Waldo -
and beat the shit out of him.

I like the police. I do. I like the idea that there are people out there who's job it is to protect me from violent criminals. The criminals don't have to be violent, but I especially like the police that protect me from the violent crooks.

Unfortunately in reality there's one area where law enforcement agencies around the world seems to continuously fail and it's in their hiring process. It almost seems like for every good cop in the world there's another cop forcibly preventing a newlywed man to take his stroke stricken wife (who is also a cancer survivor and amputee) into a hospital or using a taser against a disabled and blind elderly woman or brutally beating a 15-year old girl in a holding cell or killing an unarmed suspect who wasn't even the right man the police were looking for or attacking peaceful protesters for singing Oh Canada. Clearly there are a lot of shitty cops out there.

Thankfully however these bad examples of police officers aren't a big problem in the never ending fight against crime. Because for every unqualified idiot with a badge there's a stupid criminal.

On being a Habs fan

My friends Jess, Marie-Pier and Marie-Pier talking to the
ghost of Maurice Richard.

When I watched them skate around the ice I must admit I got teary-eyed and choked up.

Now there's something I never expected to hear -  and I ended up hearing it twice. Last season the Montreal Canadiens celebrated their 100th anniversary with a centennial game against their rival the Boston Bruins. To celebrate the occasion before the game the team had gathered the greatest players (still alive) who had played for the Habs and had them skate around the rink. That's it. They just skated around the rink making some really light shots at the net. And I must admit, I got teary eyed too.

I was thinking about this experience lately and I had to ask myself the obvious question - why do I give a fuck?

On the innocence of youth

While surfing the information super highway I came across a headline and story that shook my faith in humanity.

Gun in backpack wounds 10-year-old boy.

Here's a quick summary: A 17 year old boy in Seattle was approached by a 10 year old and other juveniles on a bus. The younger kids demanded the 17 year old give them his money and when he refused the 10 year old reached into his bag to pull out a gun. The 17 year old fought with the 10 year old and the gun went off shooting the 10 year old in the arm. Kid's in the hospital but will be ok.

Now there are a lot of aspects of this story that I can only speculate on but there are a lot of interesting questions to be answered here. How did the 10 year old get the gun? Why was the 17 year old targeted? And let's not forget most importantly, how the fuck did a 10 year old get a gun!?!

On flying kites in Toronto

Have you ever been walking through a park and found a piece of string caught in the bushes or hanging from a tree? Me neither. But apparently if you do see these strings they come from a practice called "Kite Fighting", where two nerds battle for air supremacy by trying to cut the strings of competitors' kites with their own. I'm pretty sure we won't be seeing highlights of this grueling sport on TSN any time soon but that doesn't mean the sport doesn't have it's followers. So many followers that the City of Toronto has placed a ban on flying kites in Milliken Park. Anyone caught flying a kite will face a fine of $100 dollars. Their reason is the strings are affecting local wildlife and maintenance workers who don't have the municipal budget to afford scissors.

On making notes

Your handwriting is like the meanderings of a drunken spider.

My ninth grade geography teacher told me that. Honestly. Yet despite his accurate observation I've always been a fan of writing in notebooks when working on anything creative. Laptops are too impractical for me. They need to be charged, they can't be in the sun, they get hot and burn your nuts while possibly sterilizing your semen, etc. That's too much bullshit for me. But one advantage laptops do have is the ability to easily back up your work.

On Billy Crystal and druggy hobos (Billy Crystal-Meth)

A writer writes - always.

Billy Crystal told me that. Ok maybe he didn't tell me that personally but he definitely said it to Danny DeVito in a movie. But in this case let's pretend he said to me. Well actually, now that I think about it, Billy Crystal may not have even been the first person to say that.

Whatever, my point is that a writer writes. However, while that technically fulfills the definition of "writer" I feel it's not enough. I propose an addition to Mr. Crystal's words of wisdom.

A writer shares.

I'm probably not the first one to say that, but you can go ahead and credit me anyway (maybe I should tell Danny DeVito?). And since I coined the expression I felt I should actually do that by making this blog. But enough about that. We have more serious things to talk about.

If Batman gives a hobo a couple hundred dollars and the hobo uses it to buy smack and dies from an overdose, is Batman responsible?

Believe it or not that actually happened in a Batman comic recently. Seriously. And it kind of bugged me because in the book they never address it after the hobo dies. The story just moves along like nothing happened. However if Batman had given the Riddler the cash and he died from the overdose, it'd be a flagship book and the next 11 issues after it would be all about whether or not Batman is responsible.



I'll be honest, I have no problem with the hobo dieing from a smack overdose. I mean when you think about it it's a great message for kids - doing drugs will make you a hobo and/or dead. But it just rubbed me the wrong way that no one, not even Batman, seemed to care after that point.

I don't know, maybe I like hobos just a little bit more than that.