In defence of Michael Bay or how I learned to stop worrying and love this bomb

When Bad Boys 2 director Michael Bay took the stage at this year's Nickelodeon Upfront conference people weren't expecting him to rock the online community. Yet all it took was one little announcement that the upcoming live action Ninja Turtles movie will feature aliens and not mutants for the whole internet to cry foul. And by foul, I of course mean "rape".  Not long after Bay made his announcement tweets and facebook statuses began flaring up all over the web exclaiming that Michael Bay was "raping their childhood" at worst and claiming he was ruining a beloved franchise at best. 


However, even as a life-long TMNT fan I couldn't help but find myself agreeing with Bay that we all need to "take a breath and chill". Here are the three main reasons why I think you should too.


#3 Michael Bay can't ever rape your childhood

Michael Bay - alleged time travelling rapist.

While I've never met the man I'm quite confident that Michael Bay doesn't own a time machine. I'm also quite confident that you lived a comfortable childhood and were never molested by a single high profile movie executive. But of course, that's not what you mean by rape. You just  mean he's ruining something you loved.  It's unfortunate however that it already happened when you were still a child.

Does nobody else remember how awful Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles became? The first TMNT movie was an amazing flick. It had action, it was gritty and it made you feel like a bad ass after watching it. The sequel, Secret of the Ooze, was fun, far less violent but still felt like it was part of the overall franchise. The third movie, simply titled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3, was a atrocious steaming pile of crap. It took the Turtles out of gritty New York City and brought them to medieval Japan where Shredder was replaced by some ponce with a parrot. The witty humour was gone and the action was less "action" and more "rolling around". They even brought back series favourite Casey Jones, not to kick ass, but to babysit.

And don't even get me started on the live action TV show Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation.

Hey I know exactly what the Ninja Turtles need; boobs!

As much as myself or any other kid loved the Turtles I don't think there can be much of an argument that the original TMNT craze ended on a high note.

#2 Michael Bay probably isn't who you're angry at to begin with
There are a lot of people involved in creating a movie and it doesn't get any worse than with a franchise. Studios, license holders and producers all want a say and feel they all can add just the thing to turn a John Carter sized flop into an Avatar sized return. Who knows who came up with the whole "aliens" idea. Michael Bay is just the messenger. For all we know he's screaming at some Nickelodeon producer every day about this decision. So let's stop shitting on the guy until we know who's bright idea it was to create this change in the first place, alright?

Of course it's still ok to shit on Bay for helping resurrect
Donny Osmond's career by directing the music
video for Soldier of Love.

#1 All of this has happened before and it will all happen again

Remember how awesome and universally loved the 2004 remake of Battlestar Galactica was? Well, not everyone does. While our generation was having a fraking good time with our new beloved BSG our parents were bitching and moaning about GINO (Galactica in Name Only). You can't make everyone happy and when the producers of the new BSG made some drastic changes to the original tv series the original fans were just as pissed off about the Cylons new human appearance and Starbuck's new vagina as TMNT fans are pissed at this new origin story. 

I still prefer original Starbuck's haircut though..

But you know what, just as with BSG, it doesn't matter. You will always be able to get a copy of the original TMNT movies, cartoons and comics. Just because a new version exists doesn't mean the old one gets tossed away forever. Your version of TMNT is still your version. If you don't like the new one just ignore it. It's that simple.

And can we please stop calling people who re-make geek stuff as "childhood rapists"? It's just creepy, and chances are you were a chubby kid and no one wanted to rape you anyway.