Not because V-Day was approaching and I knew I'd have to experience yet another month of cupids and flowers and hearts and other cardboard crap cluttering up the world.
I haven't seen diddly dick for V-Day decorations. And that made me sad because for a brief moment, I felt I had won. I felt like V-Day was finally dwindling down to obscurity and would soon be remembered the same way people think about bell bottom jeans, 8-track and the Toronto Maple Leafs making the play offs. The only decorations I saw all month hung in the window of the downtown pharmacy. And it wasn't even the majority of the windows. However the windows that were decorated were done with quite vigor. I must admit it was V-day overkill to the point where I felt icky inside. But other than that window my life was a V-Day free world.
Shortly after I had admitted to my friends that I had felt this sadness it was quickly resolved. I had soon found out that my V-Day experience was yet another small town illusion. I had realized that the drug store window is a lot like this bum I see downtown. When I see him my reaction is to internally say "eww" and feel icky inside but because he's the only bum I see I feel like there aren't a lot of bums in the world. Just like the drug store window.
The realization that V-Day was still around and striving came from a message I had received from my friend Olek when I mentioned the lack of V-Day decorations:
How about this: there are three sold out shows on Saturday and two on Sunday, I mean, when did Medieval Times become a respectable romantic destination? I bet there are going to be a few engagements too... Oh, I have to go throw up now, excuse me...
Ahhh.... that's better.
What in the fuck is wrong with these people?
I'm going to seal this deal with Medieval Times!
Now I'm not a scientist so I don't have the exact numbers but five sold out shows is a lot of people. Let's do the math. Two tickets to Medieval Times is $125.90 + tax. Plus they are also pushing a V-Day package which includes (among other nonsense) two tickets to the torture chamber (kinky) and a cheering wand (yeah I don't know what it is either) for $40 a couple AND they are also pushing the royalty package to get better seats for another $10 a seat making the sub total $185.90. And that only includes one glass of champagne each.
I've said before that doing something romantic on V-Day isn't romantic at all. What does doing something half-assed romantic on V-Day mean?
I also have to wonder how someone decides this is the way they want to propose? I mean history buffs wouldn't want to because the inaccuracies would probably drive them crazy and the nerds wouldn't want to out of fear of being beaten up by slightly less nerdy nerds.
Your typical Medieval Times proposal starts with a segway entrance 70% of the time.
Who are these other people? Are they people who just want to make it look like they put just a little effort into the whole thing? As if they say to themselves "well, as long as I spend almost 200 dollars before tax it'll look impressive and she'll likely say yes in front of the crowd of gift shop workers and the people still trying to figure out how to adjust a paper hat".
Fred Durst always has someone help him with his paper hat when he's at MT for a date.
The worst part is that I know that this isn't even expensive for V-Day themed events. In fact comparatively this may look cheap to some of the other packages restaurants have for this weekend. That's what I think drives me just a little nuts.
I guess one thing I can say about V-Day is that this year it taught me a lesson. It taught me that no matter what happens or where you are, your friends will always be there to remind you just how lame and gullible the world really is.
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